By Beverly Rainwater

I read an article in a magazine long ago that really hit home for me. I wished at the time that I had seen it before I embarked upon becoming a preacher's wife as it would probably have saved me from a lot of surprise further down the road. The article was titled, "Preachers' Wives Are People Too". Among its many good points was one in particular that is so true and so many times not even thought of by either the woman who is to become a preacher's wife or the people she ministers to. Here is an excerpt from that article:

Speaking from my own experience, preachers' wives find out about the "limelight" later, rather than before, and in many fascinating and mysterious ways! This brings us to the subject of this article, "The Preacher's Wife Who Is She?". Strange question you might think, but here is a woman who all of sudden goes from being like everyone else to being in this "limelight" and being someone that is ever in a changing environment, ever changing her home, ever changing her acquaintances and trying to hold on tight to anything that even resembles normal!

In describing who the preacher's wife is, I would have to start with the statement, "Preachers' wives need love too". Let me explain before someone goes off the deep end thinking I believe preachers' wives are something special! First off, how does one get from being a woman married to "Mr. Wonderful" to being "the preacher's wife?" It's a big transition so why isn't there a book of instructions for each one who enters this situation? A short 10-point list would be sufficient! Point number one could be that there is no such thing as "just" the preacher's wife! "JUST" is not part of the equation! You are not "just" one of the members of the congregation, you are not "just" one of the ladies, and you are not even "just" yourself. You are, "The Preacher's Wife!" Whew! It almost sounds like a disease or a curse or something doesn't it? But, what does that mean, "The Preacher's Wife?" Seems simple enough, when you say it, but is it? It means that your family and your husband are no longer under "just" your watchful eye but under the watchful eyes of the entire congregation! It means that your time is not your own and that your husband will not always be available for the PTA meetings, the birthday parties, anniversaries, doctors appointments or even a romantic dinner even when planned weeks in advance! Of course there are others in that same category. It comes to my mind that "Doctors' Wives," "Firefighters' Wives," "Policemens' Wives," "Off-shore riggers' Wives," "Truck-Drivers Wives," "Military Wives", and so on all have the same shoes to wear and burdens to bear! However, "Preachers' Wives" are a unique breed of their own it seems....at least in people's minds!

As Christians, we should be ready and willing to give of our time and talents, but we forget sometimes that we need to give of ourselves too. We forget that we need to give friendship and comfort to those who desperately need it. Preacher's wives fall into that category of need, even though most people do not realize that. Preacher's wives need love too, just like everyone else! In other words, sometimes we forget that just because she is married to the preacher doesn't mean that she doesn't need and want the same things as all women do. So the next time you see the preacher's wife standing there with a smile on her face, go up and give her that Christian hug that you give to everyone else and say, "I know you need love too so I am sharing!" She will be eternally grateful and you will have a friend for life!

The preacher's wife learns many things that never came up in her "How To Be the Perfect Wife" readings or the classes taught to the young ladies at church on being a Godly Wife and Mother. But here she is, in the real world, married to the preacher, her chosen man, facing all the things she never knew about! All of a sudden she is completely and totally overwhelmed with no family close by to ease the strain, husband off and gone as he is so often, and no one to just sit down and share a cup of coffee with. Needless to say she is feeling like a fish out of water!

As preachers wives we have to learn to calmly and patiently (WE HOPE & PRAY) go wherever we are sent, most of the time with no extended family anywhere near us, and learn to deal with things one day at a time because for the most part that is all we have, as well as learn to cope with whatever comes up even when our husbands are away. Preachers' wives need the same thing as other Christian women. They need encouragement, prayer, love, friendship and to feel like they belong. Whoever started the idea that preachers and their families are just passing through and are not regular members (I heard that gasp, but believe me it does happen) should be ashamed. Preachers, their wives, and their families all need the same thing as every Christian does. Just because they are the preacher's family doesn't make them any less a part of the body of Christ. They don't feel like they should be treated any differently than anyone else, in fact, they like to be just part of the body working for the Lord and striving to save as many souls in the world around them that they can.

In closing, let me leave with a piece of advice from another magazine article that I read which has helped me through all these years of moving again and again and again. The article was, "Bloom Where You Are Transplanted" by Myrna McKinley. It stated, "Always be ready to offer friendship; do not wait until it is offered. For whatever reasons, not all people know how to reach out. Not all people realize they need to make you feel welcome because you are new. If that should be the case, don't pout. Just reach out yourself. Create opportunities to be with fellow Christians. Friendships will happen."

What wonderful advice, not only for preachers' wives, but for all Christian women everywhere! Don't think that the preachers' wife doesn't want to be invited to join in with the congregation and the ladies there. Don't think that the preachers' wife never has a bad day! SHE DOES! Don't think that the preachers' wife never feels like she is struggling in any way because SHE DOES! As a matter of fact, don't think the preachers' wife is any different than any wife of any member of any congregation anywhere! SHE'S NOT!

Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another. (Romans 12:10)