By Marilyn Peeples

Men preparing themselves to preach on a full-time or part-time basis make many important decisions. One of the most important decisions a preacher can make is who he will marry because he must keep in mind that preaching is a team effort. It is imperative that he have a wife who is also committed to a life of ministering in the full sense of the word.

What does it take to be a good preacher's wife? It is a worthwhile question to consider since many preachers leave their vitally important job because of the wife either being unhappy with existence in a "fishbowl," or because of the seemingly unfair demands on her and the family. Oftentimes the entire family, especially the children, are held to a much higher standard than other members and their children. This is unfair but true.

First, it is imperative that he have a wife who is also committed to a life of ministering in the fullest sense of the word. She must realize up front that expectations are high for her to perform in the role of the preacher's wife. Teaching classes will be thrust upon her simply because she is married to the minister. Leadership roles of an organizational nature will be required of her. Requirements of visiting and working in every program the church has, right alongside her preacher husband, will prevail. Unless she is willing and ready to take on this "role" she will be miserable and resentful of these high expectations.

Second, a preacher's wife must act as a "funnel" for her husband to do his job efficiently. There are times when what is told to the wife must NOT be passed on the the husband. I am thinking of criticisms, bickering in the congregation, and poor decisions that don't even involve him. For example, if a sister is very critical of his writing style in the church bulletin, how does it encourage him to know of this criticism? If two brethren in the congregation are having a "tiff" that does not involve the preacher, why burden him with the details? If the deacon in charge of the mowing has hurt a brother's feelings regarding the job of weeding, why does the preacher need to know about it? Of course, there may be times the preacher will need to be told of such situations so he can have influence on them to help solve a problem, but normally the preacher has more important things to do than to hear about all these petty things. A wife must be wise in funneling information.

Third, a preacher's wife MUST be willing to have the attitude of Ruth toward Naomi: "whither thou goest, I will go..." Packing up and moving is NOT an easy task under the best of circumstances, but moving when there has been a decision to leave a congregation where the wife may not want to leave (or to have to move under circumstances where the preacher and his family are being mistreated by the leadership) make for a very unpleasant time. The hardest thing to do, in my opinion, is to keep a friendly and loving attitude toward the congregation when they have mistreated your husband (and perhaps you as the wife), during the time you are having to pack and move.

Being willing to live on less than adequate salary is the fourth thing a preacher's wife must be willing to accept. Sometimes a leadership has the attitude that "if God will keep the preacher humble, they will keep him poor." The salary of the preacher is oftentimes much less than the average member in the congregation, yet the preacher and his family are expected to dress nicely, dine out as much and be willing to drive all over town to visit and minister. A preacher's wife MUST be frugal and spend the money wisely.

Recently at a school of preaching and missions lectureship, I had a chance during the open forum to ask a question about the opportunities available to adequately prepare the preacher's wife, not just the preacher, for the formidable task at hand. I was assured that they consider preaching a team effort and that the wife MUST be convinced and convicted that she WANTS to be a preacher's wife and be willing to fulfill the role thrust upon her. Other than being grounded in the truth, preparing to be a good preacher's wife is almost as important as preparing a man to preach. I believe that a preacher's wife can truly "make or break" his preaching career.

(Note: Marilyn Peeples has been a preacher's wife for over 40 years.)