Introduction & Syllabus  DATC Lsn 1  DATC LSN 2  LESSON 3  

PART 3:  DECISIONS PECULIAR TO GENDER

“Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.  For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting” (Galatians 6:7-8).

The idea in this third section is to understand roles and responsibilities that are unique to gender.  Some very important areas may be applicable to both male and female, however, decisions that impact each will be considered and our established principles will be applied.  Also, the possible resulting consequences will be reviewed.

Suggested roles and responsibilities of the boys include being a good husband and father, a good provider and employee as well as being a servant in the church (a teacher, song leader, preacher, deacon or elder—always ministering to the saints).

Suggested roles and responsibilities of the girls include becoming a good wife and mother, being a keeper of the home (guiding the house, lodging strangers, being hospitable, etc.) and being a servant in the church (children’s Bible class teacher, teacher of women, wife of a deacon or elder who serves the needs of others).

LESSON 4:  BEING A GOOD HUSBAND AND FATHER

 A man who becomes a husband is to leave his father and mother to be joined to his wife, to become her head, loving her as Christ loved the church and as he loves himself and his own body, nourishing and cherishing her (Eph 5:22-33).  As he becomes a father, another role/responsibility is born.  He is to bring up his children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, not provoking them to wrath (Eph 6:1).

 Decisions that can affect these roles are: becoming a Christian or putting it off, whether to marry or when to marry, the temptation to be immoral before marriage, etc.  Read the following article from New York Times:

 http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/14/national/14plea.html?th&emc=th

 This young man and his child bride obviously made several bad choices.  Consider what those wrong decisions were.  We should also consider what good choices they made.  Additionally, we should consider the decisions made by the parents on both sides.  Did the parents carry out their responsibilities toward the children?  How will these choices affect the extended family for the rest of their lives, maybe even for generations to come?

 God is the one who established the family in the beginning, and God has given the husband a very important position in the family.  The husband is meant to be the head of the family.  He is responsible for leading the family in the ways of God.  God has given many instructions in His word for husbands.  The husband needs to understand the covenant of marriage and his responsibilities towards his wife as part of that covenant.  And he needs to understand his authority in the family and how to exercise it.  We must always go to God’s word to understand His instructions.

 Is there any commitment more serious than the marriage covenant?  God’s judgment is that covenant breakers are worthy of death (Rom 1:31-32).  If we break our marriage vows (covenant), God will be angry with our voice and destroy the work of our hands (Ecclesiastes 5:4-6).  Keeping the covenant includes honoring the wife, not just avoiding adultery (1 Pet 3:7).  The husband’s prayers can become hindered if he does not honor his wife. 

 God is the one who joins the husband and wife in marriage (Matthew 19:6).  The husband and wife are to leave the parents (Mtt 19:5).  God, in his wisdom, says it is best for the couple to be away from their parents, and if this admonition from the Heavenly Father were always heeded, we know that many problems could be avoided.  If the couple is not autonomous, we can expect problems in the home.  Young men must consider this teaching before they make a marriage commitment and determine whether they have enough financial resources and physical ability to make a separate home.

 What are the physical duties of the man in a marriage contract?  According to Genesis 2:24 we know the husband and the wife are to be one flesh.  We also learn from Hebrews 13:4 that marriage is honorable and the bed is undefiled.  The husband must render to the wife her “due benevolence” (1 Cor 7:3-5).  The husband no longer has power (authority) over his own body, but the wife does, and there is no acceptable reason for the husband to refuse the wife her right of marriage.  There is only one acceptable reason for the husband and the wife to refrain from coming together, and that must be by mutual consent in order to pray.  Neither spouse has the right to refuse without the agreement of the other.  The Lord warns that the separation must be only for a limited amount of time.  Refusal of the marriage rights for any other reason constitutes stealing.  If this instruction from God were always followed, many marriage problems could be solved.

 Husbands must not desire another woman or even think about another woman’s beauty.  That is lusting (Pro 6:25).  Lusting is equal to committing the deed in your heart (Mat 5:27-30).  Job refused to look at a woman in order to avoid thinking about her (Job 31:1-11).  If men would follow this pattern, there would be no problems with wayward relationships outside of marriage.

 So what should be the husband’s position in the home?  He is to be the head of the wife, but his authority over her does not include matters of right and wrong (Mat 24:35).  Matters of right and wrong have already been determined by the Lord and those things will stand forever.  Nobody has the authority to change them.  In matters of right and wrong, the wife has an obligation to obey God only (Acts 5:29).  The wife’s only master is the Lord and she must hate all others as a master (Luke 16:13).  Her husband cannot be her master (Luke 14:26), therefore the husband cannot command the wife to disobey God.  If he does he should expect the wife to choose God over him. 

 In matters of common judgment, the husband has full authority over the wife.  God made man the ruler over his wife from the beginning (Genesis 3:16).  The husband is the head of the wife in the same way that Christ is the head of the church (1 Cor 11:3).  Christ has all authority over the church.  If the wife would recognize the husband as her head, there would be no disputes over who has the authority in the home.  Notice that Matthew 8:8-9 tells us what authority really is.  Some matters of judgment might include:

1.           How the family income is to be spent.

2.           Where the family will live.

3.           Whether his wife will work outside the home or not.

 Some women will only allow the husband to make personal judgments if she is convinced he “knows what he is talking about.”  Do we only obey Christ if we think he knows what he is talking about?  What if we misjudge and make a wrong decision based on our own foolish understanding?  However, the husband is to give great consideration to his wife’s wishes (1 Corinthians 7:32-33).  If the husband is harsh, hard-headed and stubborn, who gave him that right?  God’s wisdom is gentle and easy to be entreated (James 3:17).  If the husband handled his authority using God’s wisdom, how many marriages would be in trouble today?  Abraham was persuaded by a very gentle, godly wife (Genesis 21:12).  If the husband is willing to change his mind, that is not a sign of weakness.  The husband needs to make it as easy as he can for his wife to submit to his authority (Luke 14:26), yet without making his wife his master.  The husband’s only master is the Lord and he must hate all others as a master (Luke 16:13).  His wife cannot be his master (Luke 14:26). If she tries to entice him to do evil, he must not listen to her.  The husband should never treat his wife like a child (Proverbs 31:11).  She is to be considered an adult with adult responsibilities to God just like he is. 

 We may ask why the husband is to be the authority figure.  God gives us several reasons which we may not understand at first glance.  1 Corinthians 11:7-8 and 1 Timothy 2:12-13 tell us that the man was created first, the woman second.  1 Corinthians 11:9 tells us that the woman was made for the man, not the man for the woman.  1 Timothy 2:14 tells us that the woman was deceived and the man (Adam) was not.  There are many false beliefs about why men are the head of the wife.  These false beliefs might include:

1.           Men are more intelligent than women.  Thus, all wives are more stupid than their husbands.

2.           Men are more spiritual than women.  Thus, all husbands are more righteous than their wives.

3.           The wife is not as valuable to God as the husband.

It is pretty easy to prove these beliefs are not only false but ridiculous.  If men would shed these false notions, there would not be as many problems in marriages today.

 The husband is also to be the ruler (final authority) when it comes to the children.  The man must make the final decisions for the entire family, including the children (1 Timothy 3:12).  We know that God will hold the father responsible for bringing up the children (Ephesians 6:4).  Who is it that will have to answer on Judgment Day if the children are not brought up correctly?  Fathers must teach and train the children (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).  Naturally the wife has her part in training the children too, but the father will be held accountable if the job is not done well.  There will be more on that in a subsequent lesson.

 The husband is responsible for providing for his wife and family.  He must consider their physical needs as his priority.  This responsibility was established from the beginning (Genesis 3:17-19).  If he forsakes this duty, he is worse than an infidel (1 Tim 5:8).  Whether his wife is a believer or a non-believer, the husband has responsibilities to her.  As a Christian, he must teach her and lead her toward Christ.  If his wife is a believer, he still has the responsibility to teach her and answer her questions regarding all matters spiritual (1 Cor 14:35).  A Christian husband serves Christ by serving his wife as Christ has said to.  He is to love and serve her as Christ loves the church (he is to give himself for her).  He is to love and serve her as his own body (Ephesians 5:25-28).  Does Christ serve the church by beating her?  Does Christ serve the church by ignoring her needs and putting himself first?  Does Christ serve the church by being lazy and demanding or by letting the church do his job of being the head?  We have already learned that a man’s prayers to God will be hindered if he does not honor his wife as the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7).  What greater way could the man serve God than by serving his wife for the Lord’s sake and doing it His way!  What greater way could the father of a family train his children than to love their mother the way the Lord has commanded!

 A husband should try to do a better job of leading his family and taking the responsibility God gave him.  He should give diligence to keep the vows and covenants he has made to God and to his wife.  That way he could better fulfill God’s will for his family.