By
Judy Cook
It is hard for me to comprehend my sinfulness; to
know that I anger God and that He is displeased with me. I think it is hard
because I don’t like to think of myself that way.
"Growing up" in the church means that I have
always had a trained conscience. Being a "pleaser", it has
always been my desire to please God and other people, especially my parents! It
has been easy for me to see myself as "not so bad." Lately,
though, it is being brought home to me in a powerful way that I am sinful.
Gail MacDonald wrote in A Step Farther & Higher,
"I guess most of my life I have possessed what a loving friend once
labeled ‘good flesh.’ He didn’t mean it as a putdown, but he knew I had
tried hard to live honorably and to be as dependable, useful, and acceptable as
possible"
I identify with that! I identify with what she went
on to write even more:
"Being a ‘good flesh’ person is not all bad, I
suppose. I knew it was only by God’s grace that I was able to do anything
right. But deep down, I suspect, a subtle, nagging, and very ugly spiritual
pride had also grown alongside the good deeds and calm spirit. Frankly, it was
too subtle a thing for me to notice. That absurd proposition I have called
‘illusion one’ was all the time worming its way into my inner attitude."
Oh, yes, I know just what she means! In the past
year, I have had to come face to face with it.
I have tried to ignore it,…
…excuse it;
…pretend it isn’t there,
Whatever I could do to keep from seeing myself as I am!!
What is that "illusion one" she wrote of? Read it
carefully:
"I’m not really capable of a major sin; actually,
I’ve come a long way in this business of being good. God must be pleased (and
not a little fortunate) to have me on his side."
This is such a bizarre and ridiculous a statement!
Yet. . . haven’t I felt that way, a little?
A
lot?
What is at the root of such a statement? Pride!
I am so proud to be such a GOOD person!
I am Arrogant.
I am SINFUL.
For mine iniquities are gone over my head: As a heavy burden
they are too heavy for me. My wounds are loathsome and corrupt, Because of
my foolishness. (Psalm 38:4-5)
I carry wounds that are horrible because of my own
foolishness! My sins are so heavy that I cannot bear up under them.
How easy it is to point at the Pharisees in the New
Testament!
….Proud,
….Self-righteous,
….Religious people.
How hard it is to point at me and say, “I am a
Pharisee”.
When I compare myself to Christ….
….the perfect one,
….the only true standard,
I
am not even comparable.
The weight of my own sin, my arrogance, hangs on me. It is
insupportable.
I am pained and bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day
long. For my loins are filled with burning; And there is no soundness in
my flesh.
I am faint and sore bruised: I have groaned by reason of the
disquietness of my heart. Lord, all my desire is before thee; And my
groaning is not hid from thee.
My heart throbbeth, my strength faileth me: As for the light
of mine eyes, it also is gone from me. (Psalm 38:6-10).
Do not forsake me, O LORD, O my God, be not far from me!
Make hast to help me, O LORD, my salvation! (Psalm
38:21-22)
ISBS Ladies Daily Devotional
11/29/04
............Article 116............
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