Dating With A Biblical Perspective

Part Five

Dating With A Biblical Perspective

By Julia Jensen

(Writer of the Week)

How will you date? Often little or no thought is given to this question, but it is a valid one. The way in which one will date is an important decision that should not be taken lightly. The common method of dating encourages physical intimacy while discouraging true friendship. This is obviously a problem. The most popular places for dates are dimly lit, unsupervised areas, which serve as dangerous catalysts to physical attraction.

As Christians, we are to abstain from every appearance of evil (1 Thess. 5:22). We are warned, as Timothy was, to "flee youthful lusts" (2 Tim. 2:22). God did not tell us to "attempt to resist" or to "confront" lust, He said to flee. If we are fleeing lust, we won’t be placing ourselves in those compromising situations and tempting places which are so popular in typical dating. Spending time in a group setting, especially with family and friends, can serve to minimize temptation as well as provide a setting in which one will be more genuine. In a group that includes family and friends, one can get a far more accurate view of another person’s character than would be presented if a couple was alone.

In his book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Joshua Harris proposes four stages for a relationship: 1. Casual friendship. 2. Deeper friendship. 3. Purposeful intimacy with integrity. 4. Engagement. These are not hard and fast rules, but are simply suggestions which help keep the focus on what is pure and honorable in the sight of God. (Phil. 4:8)

Notice that the relationship begins with friendship. It is friendship, not infatuation, that will stand the test of time. Casual friendship allows one to observe the character of another in an unobtrusive way. Deeper friendship can develop naturally if two people are compatible. Cultivating a deeper friendship enables people to get to know one another at a less superficial level without the complications of romantic interests. After getting to know someone as a good friend, one can have a much better idea of whether or not pursuing a deeper relationship would be a good idea.

In the third stage, it is proposed that a couple should pursue "purposeful intimacy with integrity." What is meant by that? The word "integrity" is defined in The American Dictionary of the English Language as: "moral soundness or purity; incorruptness; uprightness; honesty." We must always be vigilant to maintain our integrity, but it is emphasized here especially because of the temptation to become slack at this time. It is imperative that we keep verses like Matthew 18:6 in the forefront of our mind, as they remind us of the seriousness of causing someone to stumble. We must be very careful that we do not become a stumbling block to anyone.

In this context, intimacy is not referring to sexual intimacy, but an honorable "closeness" and affection. When a couple has a purposeful intimacy at this stage in their relationship, they are growing closer and learning about each other on an even deeper level so that they can be sure about whether or not they wish to spend the rest of their lives together.

Romans 12:9, 10 says "Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor that which is evil, cleave to that which is good. In love of the brethren be tenderly affectioned one to another; in honor preferring one another." In every stage of any relationship we must treat others with honor and unselfish love, putting others’ best interest before our own. This should be the "trademark" of Christianity - John 13:34,35 "A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; even as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have one to another."

If we follow the commandments of the Bible throughout the dating process, as well as in every other area, we will show the world what it means to be a follower of Christ and we will be richly blessed by God. Matthew 6:33 "...seek ye first his kingdom, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

Webster, Noah."Integrity" American Dictionary of the English Language. 1828 Ed.

Harris, Joshua. I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Sisters, Oregon: Multnomah Publishers Inc., 1997. 205. *****Article 322*****