This true
story that saddens me greatly. When Anderson was 2 and Emma was born I
decided it was time to be home fulltime. I have
never been able to find contentment outside the home. We lived in a single
wide trailer and drove old paid for vehicles. Times
were still very tough!
Instead of being the
virtuous woman in Proverbs, I became angry and ill willed towards Glen. I
did him evil in the sight of my family and friends by grumbling and
complaining. I asked him to give up the farm we had always dreamed of
raising our children on and move our trailer back to his parent’s farm
where we could live almost free. He said no and I became resentful. It was
his fault that I was having to go back to work! You see there were
literally no groceries in our cupboard. We would eat peanut butter and
crackers for meals.
One night Glen asked
his parents for help in paying our bills and I was humiliated. (Mind you I
didn’t have enough faith to pray for Glen’s leadership. It was just
easier to “hate” him. Yes, at one time I really thought I hated him.)
The next day I left the kids with a friend and went out job searching. I
wasn’t going to be hungry and humiliated any more. God loved me enough
to lead me to a position in a Day Care where I was at least with my
children. I have never left them to work somewhere different. The rest is
history. I stayed home 9 short months.
Let me tell you the
side I didn’t see then that makes me angry now. My home was always
clean. I enjoyed the kids and we laughed and played games together. Nights
were full of fun and pleasure. When there was food, a good meal was always
prepared for dinner. (Always in the summer when the fresh vegetables came
in!) I prayed for God to provide for us. I wanted Glen to make more money
and to be able to make ends meet.
He
wasn’t doing it my way. But God was providing. My best friend would come
to visit and bring a little box of goodies. My mom or Glen’s mom would
always send home some kind of groceries (cereal, cookies, crackers, peanut
butter). My mom never knew that sometimes the little box of food she would
send home was my only food in the house! GOD WAS PROVIDING FOR US!!! And I
didn’t get it!! We never went fully hungry. We just
didn’t eat like Kings and Queens! I know now that
God will provide again, but now I am ready to see His provisions in the
little things!
This is going to be a
big transition for us. We are now blessed with a beautiful home, paid for
through again God’s gracious timing! But I will be leaving a job I
love!! I love the people, I love the parents, I love teaching!! But now I
am going to devote my days to training my two children in the ways of the
Lord. I could continue writing all night long. Forgive me for such a huge
letter, but I just want you to know that your truths are not falling on
deaf ears.
PLEASE, PLEASE, Pray
for us as I make it through the next 7 weeks and as I try to tell my
family the changes I want to make. The kids have wanted to home school for
several years. Many of their friends are home schooled. That will be a
breeze. It is our families who will struggle.
Love,
Aneta
