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You are not Your Own

By Denise Chaffin
 

"Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." (1 Corinthians 7:2-4)

When God designed us; he put within us a need for others. The New Testament is full of spiritual references to loving and caring for one another in the church. But in a very special way, he also gave us physical needs that He meant to be met in the private and intimate bonds of marriage. It is only in marriage that these emotional and physical needs are met completely. Without the commitment of the marriage union, these must be left alone. The expression, "going all the way" is only a fraction of the way, until we are committed 100% in God's eyes.

God knew best when he said in the beginning that a man shall leave his mother and a woman her home and the two shall become one flesh. He knew both male and female needed the intimacy and commitment of truly belonging to one person.

But looking closely at the passage first quoted, we see that it is not only for our own needs that this was set up. God wanted us to do this reciprocally, in holiness and selflessness. Note that it says the husband is to render the wife what is due her, likewise the wife to her husband, for her body is not her own . . . . Likewise the husband . . . Emphasis here is placed on the mutual respect that we are to have for one another. We do not own our body; it belongs to our husband, and likewise his to us. The plan God intended is that we are no longer our own, but our husbands. And he is ours ("I am my beloveds and my beloved is mine". . . Song of Solomon 6:3a) I have to admit, this is something I did not understand when I got married; and I needed to learn that his needs become my responsibility. One dear sister put it this way, if I *had* to say no to my dear husband when he approached me for intimacy, I should promise to make it up to him, soon, and keep that promise. This attitude in me as a wife built trust, honesty and helps to either keep temptation, my husbands or mine, from becoming a problem.

The Proverbs teach us that the heart of a husband trusts in her.  Can he trust me with the most vulnerable part of his being? Will I respect and honor him, not only in public but in our private life as well?

To illustrate this, let me share this: When I was growing up, we were taught to respect the possessions of others. We treated the things belonging to someone else much more carefully than our own, because we knew that if they were lost or broken, we were responsible to replace them. We had respect for the things of other people. Do we treat our body today as though it were someone else's precious possession? Or do we have the attitude, 'It's mine, and I'll do with it what I please?' If we are married, it is not ours, alone. When we marry, we give up exclusive rights.

What a difference it would make in our Christian homes if more women had this attitude. I believe that we would have fewer men looking elsewhere (the internet and the office) for the satisfaction of a God-given need. Now, I am not intimating that every addiction or affair is the fault of the wife. Please do not think that. But if we are keeping ourselves for him and him alone, and not over-committing ourselves to things outside the home or perhaps overemphasizing the things in it, there would be less temptation to look other places to meet those needs. Philippians 2:5-6 (KJV)  "Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God."

The New American Standard reads: "Have this attitude in yourselves" . . . . . "did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, "

God meant for our intimate relationship to keep our dear husbands and us from sinning. He meant for it to bless us in meeting our needs for intimacy in a way that no other can. He knew that when the relationship between husband and wife is as it should be, we are less inclined to participate in relationships that mar the soul and bring shame on Christ and His church.

QUESTIONS:

1.  Name the primary reason given for Christian men and women to marry.

2.  Does God give us freedom to make decisions that are best for us?

3.  What changes the authority we have over our own bodies?

4.  Must every Christian marry? Why or why not? Please give scriptural support.

5.  Once we marry, what should our attitude be about our body?

6.  What responsibility does the wife have to her husband in helping him stay pure?

7.  Does a wife ever have the right to refuse her husband for intimate relations?

8.  What should her attitude be in this?

9.  How can she help her husband to trust her?