Syllabus

DECISIONS AND THEIR CONSEQUENCES

 “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.  For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting” (Galatians 6:7-8).

 LESSON 4:  BEING A GOOD HUSBAND AND FATHER

 Suggested roles and responsibilities of the men include being a good husband and father, a good provider and employee as well as being a servant in the church (a teacher, song leader, preacher, deacon or elder—always ministering to the saints).  His decisions will be based on these roles day after day.  

A man who becomes a husband is to leave his father and mother to be joined to his wife, to become her head, loving her as Christ loved the church and as he loves himself and his own body, nourishing and cherishing her (Eph 5:22-33).  As he becomes a father, another role/responsibility is born.  He is to bring up his children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, not provoking them to wrath (Eph 6:1).  Decisions that can affect these roles are: becoming a Christian or putting it off, whether to marry or when to marry, the temptation to be immoral before marriage, etc.  

So why would young ladies need to know what the men are supposed to do?  Why would they want to study the roles and responsibilities of a husband and father?  Perhaps the best reason is because she should know what to look for in a mate.  She should understand what is expected and be ready to make judgments about the caliber of person she is thinking of taking for her life’s companion.

 When you have finished studying this lesson and are ready to do the questions, I will email you an article from the New York Times which tells about a young man in Nebraska and his child bride.  He was sentenced to spend prison time for “child abuse,” and obviously he made several bad choices.  Using what you learn in this lesson, your project will be to consider what those wrong choices or decisions were.  You should also consider what good choices he and his wife made.  Additionally, you should consider the decisions made by the parents on both sides.  Did the parents carry out their responsibilities toward the children?  How will these choices affect the extended family for the rest of their lives, maybe even for generations to come?  

It is not my intention to scare anyone, but parents need to be very certain of what their children are doing every moment of the day.  Are you thinking to yourself, “This lady is suggesting we police our children?  Why, that gives them no freedom whatsoever to choose for themselves.” 

 Before you make a snap judgment, you need to read another article taken from the NYT.  After you finish studying this lesson, ask me to email a copy of another article to you.  It is a about a young boy (age 13) who became involved with online predators.

 May I remind you that most states in the US still have laws protecting children under 16?  There has to be a reason for that.  Although adult desires may surface during the adolescent years, adult comprehension, judgment and decision-making abilities may not.  That has to be the reason God gave children into the care of parents for so many years.  Even the law of the land protects children against abandonment by “trusting” parents.

 Young girls who are contemplating marriage will have to consider whether their prospective mates are “into” any of these things.  Sometimes love blinds the minds of young people, but parents should be there to help them in making good decisions.  Parents too may be fooled, but at least they have a better chance of seeing “the signs” of problems on the road ahead.  Each age group needs to be wary and alert to problems and not be afraid or intimidated into letting something go for the sake of peace.  After all, these decisions will affect everyone for years, maybe generations, to come.

 WHAT IS A GOOD HUSBAND?

 God is the one who established the family in the beginning, and God has given the husband a very important position in the family.  The husband is meant to be the head of the family.  He is responsible for leading the family in the ways of God.  The husband needs to understand the covenant of marriage and his responsibilities towards his wife as part of that covenant.  And he needs to understand his authority in the family and how to exercise it.

 Is there any commitment more serious than the marriage covenant?  God’s judgment is that covenant breakers are worthy of death (Rom 1:31-32).  If we break our marriage vows (covenant), God will be angry with our voice and destroy the work of our hands (Ecclesiastes 5:4-6).  Keeping the covenant includes honoring the wife, not just avoiding adultery (1 Pet 3:7).  The husband’s prayers can become hindered if he does not honor his wife. 

 God is the one who joins the husband and wife in marriage (Matthew 19:6).  The husband and wife are to leave the parents (Mtt 19:5), because God, in his wisdom, says it is best for the couple to be away from their parents.  If the couple is not autonomous, we can expect problems in the home.  Young men and women must consider this teaching before they make a marriage commitment and determine whether they have enough financial resources and physical ability to make a separate home.

 What are the physical duties of the man in a marriage contract?  According to Genesis 2:24 we know the husband and the wife are to be one flesh.  We also learn from Hebrews 13:4 that marriage is honorable and the bed is undefiled.  The husband must render to the wife her “due benevolence” (1 Cor 7:3-5).  The husband no longer has power (authority) over his own body, but the wife does, and there is no acceptable reason for the husband to refuse the wife her right of marriage.  There is only one acceptable reason for the husband and the wife to refrain from coming together, and that must be by mutual consent.  Neither spouse has the right to refuse without the agreement of the other.  The Lord warns that the separation must be only for a limited amount of time, and that refusal of the marriage rights for any other reason constitutes stealing.  If this instruction from God were always followed, many marriage problems could be solved.

 Husbands must not desire another woman or even think about another woman’s beauty.  That is lusting (Pro 6:25).  Lusting is equal to committing the deed in your heart (Mat 5:27-30).  Job refused to look at a woman in order to avoid thinking about her (Job 31:1-11).  If men would follow this pattern, there would be no problems with wayward relationships outside of marriage.

 What is the husband’s position in the home?  He is to be the head of the wife, but his authority over her does not include matters of right and wrong (Mat 24:35).  Matters of right and wrong have already been determined by the Lord and those things will stand forever.  Nobody has the authority to change them.  In matters of right and wrong, the wife has an obligation to obey God only (Acts 5:29).  The wife’s only master is the Lord and she must hate all others as a master (Luke 16:13).  Her husband cannot be her master (Luke 14:26), therefore the husband cannot command the wife to disobey God.  If he does he should expect the wife to choose God above him. 

 Some women will only allow the husband to make personal judgments if she is convinced he “knows what he is talking about.”  Do we only obey Christ if we think he knows what he is talking about?  What if we misjudge and make a wrong decision based on our own foolish understanding?  However, the husband is to give great consideration to his wife’s wishes (1 Corinthians 7:32-33).  If the husband is harsh, hard-headed and stubborn, how can there be peace between them?  God’s wisdom is gentle and easy to be entreated (James 3:17).  Abraham was persuaded by a very gentle, godly wife (Genesis 21:12).  If the husband is willing to change his mind, that is not a sign of weakness.  The husband needs to make it as easy as he can for his wife to submit to his authority (Luke 14:26), yet without making his wife his master.  The husband’s only master is the Lord and he must hate all others as a master (Luke 16:13).  His wife cannot be his master (Luke 14:26). If she tries to entice him to do evil, he must not listen to her.  The husband should never treat his wife like a child (Proverbs 31:11).  She is to be considered an adult with adult responsibilities to God. 

 The husband is also to be the ruler (final authority) when it comes to the children.  The man must make the final decisions for the entire family, including the children (1 Timothy 3:12).  We know that God will hold the father responsible for bringing up the children (Ephesians 6:4).  Who is it that will have to answer on Judgment Day if the children are not brought up correctly?  Fathers must teach and train the children (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).  Naturally the wife has her part in training the children too, but the father will be held accountable if the job is not done well.

 The husband is responsible for providing for his wife and family.  He must consider their physical needs as his priority.  This responsibility was established from the beginning (Genesis 3:17-19).  If he forsakes this duty, he is worse than an infidel (1 Tim 5:8).  Whether his wife is a believer or a non-believer, the husband has responsibilities to her.  As a Christian, he must teach her and lead her toward Christ.  If his wife is a believer, he still has the responsibility to teach her and answer her questions regarding all matters spiritual (1 Cor 14:35).  A Christian husband serves Christ by serving his wife as Christ has decreed.  He is to love and serve her as Christ loves the church; he is to give himself for her.  He is to love and serve her as his own body (Ephesians 5:25-28).  Does Christ serve the church by beating her?  Does Christ serve the church by ignoring her needs and putting himself first?  Does Christ serve the church by being lazy and demanding or by letting the church do his job of being the head?  We have already learned that a man’s prayers to God will be hindered if he does not honor his wife as the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7).  What greater way could the man serve God than by serving his wife for the Lord’s sake and doing it His way!  What greater way could the father of a family train his children than to love their mother the way the Lord has commanded!

WHAT ARE THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF A GOOD FATHER?

 Eli did not handle his authority well, and God promised to destroy Eli’s house (1 Sam 2:27-30).  Although they were His leading priests, Eli’s children did not know God (1 Sam 2:12-17).  We read where Eli tried to rebuke his children (1 Sam 2:22-25), so what did Eli do wrong?

1. Eli honored his sons above God (1 Sam 2:29). 
2. Eli was one who accepted the stolen offerings his sons wrongly took (1 Sam 2:29). 
3. Eli did not forcibly restrain his children when they were vile (1 Sam 3:12-14).

 Eli could have blamed his wife, and who can say she was not to blame (Gen 3:12)?  However, Fathers are given a responsibility by God (Eph 6:4).  Fathers must find a way to fulfill that responsibility even if he has to make a choice with whom to contend, men or God (Mt 10:37).  Our God may be bringing fathers the test to see whom they will choose (Mt 10:34).  One way or another, fathers need to pass the test in righteousness.  

We know that some of the father’s deeds are passed down to the children (ex 20:5, 6); however, there is a difference between visiting and bearing (Ezek 18:20).  Bearing the sin is to answer for an action on Judgment Day.  Visiting the iniquity has to do with suffering for the father’s evil in this life.  For example: the children of Israel wandered 40 years in the wilderness, and suffered greatly.  This punishment was the result of sin caused by the fathers, but the children had to endure it too.  Often a drunkard’s children are not well cared for because of their father’s sin.  We may not understand the full implications, but this is the glory of God (Exodus 34:5-7).

 Under the Mosaic Law (Old Testament), fathers were given the responsibility to teach children (Deut 6:6, 7).  True, there were many who did not obey that law, but like Eli, they will answer for their disobedience.  True also, many did teach their children faithfully.  One of the greatest attributes of Abraham is faithfulness to teach his children (Gen 18:19).  Moses’ mother taught him well.  Timothy’s grandmother and mother were faithful to teach him.  The fathers had great authority in the home (Num 12:14).  They could disallow their daughter’s vow (Num 30:4, 5).  They could also have their disobedient children stoned to death (Deut 21:18-21).  

Fathers have a different kind of authority under Christ’s law in the New Testament today (Mat 20:25, 26).  We see from reading Phil 8, 9 that Paul did not use the authority he had.  Paul humbled himself to be very gentle (1 Thess 2:6, 7).  If the Corinthians had not listened to Paul’s kindness, he would have used his authority (2 Cor 13:2, 10); it was the same situation in 2 Cor 10:2.  Twenty-three times Paul is recorded as beseeching his brethren to respond to God’s commands.  Will our Father be kind to us if we are not kind to those under our authority (Mat 7:2)?  If we are not kind to our children God will not be kind to us (Jas 2:13).  Notice in Eph 6:4 that the first part of the command is “don’t provoke.” The reason is given -- so they are not discouraged (Col 3:21).  A wise man is even kind to animals, how much more to his own children (Pro 12:10). 

 Our Father encourages us to listen to his correction (Heb 12:5).  We should do the same for our children and also encourage them to listen to us.  A good father exhorts and comforts his children (1 Thess 2:11).  The prodigal son’s father had every right to use his authority to command, but he did not (Lk 15:31, 32).  God expects us to listen to our children’s entreaties and pleading (1 Ti 5:1).  God’s elder is also expected to listen to the congregation’s entreaties (Jas 3:17).  Job listened to his servants’ entreaties (Job 31:13-15).  

We should train our children as God trains us (Heb 12:10).  God chastens his children (Heb 12:5).  He chastens and scourges every son he loves (Heb 12:6).  Some people refuse to use the rod because they think they love their children too much (Pro 13:24).  What does God say about our love if we refuse to use the rod?  The Lord tells us only one way to get rid of a child’s foolishness (Pro 22:15).  Our chastening can deliver our child’s soul from hell (Pro 23:14).  Our correction of children should not be for our own convenience (Heb 12:10).  Many use children (and members of church) as slaves, to do their running for them.  Our children should be convinced that we are doing whatever we do for their growth and not for our convenience.

 The preacher’s children are often the worst children in a congregation (Mt 23:5).  Why is that?  One parent may say, “What will the members think?” These are words of hypocrisy.  If we are sincerely seeking to please God we should give our children the motive to do the same thing.  Sincere Christians should not consider what others think for their own reputation but for the other person’s edification (1 Co 10:33).  Our children can tell if we are insincere (Lk 12:1).  Our children should be taught to seek to please God (1 Thess 2:4).  This is a constant appeal in God’s word (1 Thess 4:1).  Our children need the mind of Christ (Jn 6:29).  Jesus had one motive in mind at all times (Jn 5:19, 30).   

Our children should be concerned with what God thinks (Pro 10:1, 13:1).  They also should be taught *not* to receive praise from men (Ro 2:28, 29).  Receiving man’s praise will destroy their faith (Jn 5:44).  Jesus did not receive honor from men (Jn 5:41).  The world claims that it sits at the feet of those who learn how to praise.  If we praise children they will sit at our feet.  This does not only work for children, but what does our God say?  Praising children for physical things trains them to value mammon (Lk 16:15).  When we thrill the hearts of our children with promises of gifts for birthdays, Christmas and so on, are we not training them to be thrilled with more and more material things?  Some say, “Don’t be such a kill-joy – they only live once!”

 Yes, but what are we training the child’s heart to be?  When do we propose to undo our training in their later years?  What makes us think the children won’t continue to be just exactly what we train them to be in their youth (Pro 22:6)?  If we beat them with the rod when they are bad, what do we expect when they are old?  If we train them in covetousness when they are young, what should we expect when they are old?  If Jesus parents had trained Jesus in covetousness when he was young, would Jesus have sacrificed his life for us?  Training in covetousness will destroy the children’s souls (1 Jn 2:15-17) 

 Many spread a net for our children’s feet, but we don’t want to be a part of it (Pro 29:5)!  A child responds well to flattery, but is fair for someone to flatter the child?  God praises the things that are eternally and spiritually good (1 Pet 3:5).  God praises humility and condemns disobedience (pride).  Any training in submission to God is to be praised (1 Cor 11:2, 17, 22).  This is God’s praise and is genuine; it is no flattery.  Jesus is meek and lowly in heart, and God praises these things (Mt 11:28-30).  God does not judge as men judge (1 Sam 16:7).  Men judge according to appearances (Jn 7:24), but God judges according to the eternal, unseen, spiritual ways (2 Cor 4:16-18).  Being a husband is not an eternal position, but the humility learned in that role is eternal.

 Today we have a problem seldom found in the history of man—children are turning against their parents.  Most children in the churches are not remaining faithful to the Lord now, and brethren are blaming the media and other men.  Only a few blame themselves.  If we give the children the shield of faith, they can fight the world’s attacks (Eph 6:17).  They must be taught this powerful principle (1 Cor 15:33).  If they and we obey this command it is a powerful shield (1 Thess 5:22).  Of course, if we don’t fight with this shield, chances are our children will not either!!

 The world has inherited many powerful weapons of communication.  The world can relate with our children almost every waking hour.  School is now enforced so that children must listen to teachers 6 or more hours every day.  They are compelled to listen many more hours through homework and other activities.  Newspapers, magazines, books, and such like call to our children.  Television takes many hours of our children's time as they drink from the world.  The Corinthians were having a problem because of evil communication (1 Cor 15:33).  We read in Acts 2:40 that the foundation stone of first gospel sermon was to come out of the world.  The word "church" in Greek means the called out ones; they have come out of the world!  As many as our Lord calls, he calls to come out of the world and be separate (Ac 2:39).  The Corinthians had forgotten their calling (2 Cor 6:17, 18).  The problem was that the Corinthians were not growing as they should (2 Cor 6:12, 13).  They had not come out of the world (2 Cor 6:14‑16). 

 If there is not a difference between God's family and the world, something is terribly wrong (1 John 4:5, 6). Our children must understand that they are not of the world (Jas 4:4).   Jesus did not identify himself with this world (Jn 8:23).  Jesus calls his faithful to be apart from the world (Jn 15:18, 19).  We have to understand that the world is our enemy to overcome (Jn 16:33).  The apostles were faithful in separating themselves from the world (Jn 17:14‑16).  If our children identify with democracy, socialism or any worldly nation, they are identifying with the world (Isaiah 55:8, 9).  The world has its own standards of right and wrong (Lk 16:15).  If our children identify with God's people, spiritual Israel, the church, they will have a different mind.  Our father Abraham is our example in this regard; he left his country (Heb 11:8).  He identified himself as a stranger (Heb 11:9).   Abraham's real nation was not on earth (Heb 11:10).   All of God's faithful should have this mind (Heb 11:13).  All of God's faithful are seeking their real nation the heavenly home (Heb 11:14‑16).

 There comes a time when parents lose their authority (Mat 19:5).  Children above 20 years of age were responsible for their actions (Num 14:29).  The son becomes the head of his own house when he is married (1. Mt 19:6).  It is not an evil thing for a child to leave home to serve God (Mt 19:29).  Jesus our example; we need to encourage our children to have this mind (Lk 2:48, 49).   We need to train them to understand that they belong to God, not us (Luke 14:26).  James and John left their father to work alone and followed Christ (Mk 1:20).

 Children should be taught to honor father and mother (Eph 6:1, 2).   If the children in a family see that their mother does not submit to authority, why should they (Eph 5:22)?  If the children see the father not obeying the commands of God, why should the children (Mat 23:3)?  If the father does not honor the mother, why should the children (1 Pet 3:7)?  The father and mother should be a united authority—working fully together.  Honoring father and mother includes caring for their physical needs when they are not able to care for themselves (Mt 15:1-6).  Honoring the parents includes honoring the parent’s friends also (Pro 27:10).

 Fathers should give their children a defense against evil (Pro 6:20-35).   One good source for a strong defense is the Proverbs of Solomon (Pro 24:25-35).  The Proverbs can be used to teach respect for the parents (Pro 15:5, 20).  Children should be taught to consider their parents judgment (Pro 17:21, 25).  They need to be taught about evil companionship (Pro 28:7, 24).  They need to be warned not to despise their parents (Pro 20:20).  We should understand that God will respond to evil children (Pro 30:17).  They should be warned about the additional temptations when parents are old (Pro 23:22).   Children need to be encouraged to seek god’s wisdom (Pro 4:1-7).  They should not be satisfied with just any wisdom (1 Cor 1:19-21).  There is only one wisdom that is eternal (1 Cor 2:1-5).   God has reserved a special wisdom for his children (1 Cor 2:6-10).  This wisdom is strictly spiritual wisdom (1 Cor 2:13).   They can get all spiritual understanding and wisdom (Col 1:9, 10).

 Though God gives us these souls for a while here on the earth, they are still His (Ezek 18:4).  Fathers need to fulfill their responsibilities for the children God lends to them (Eph 6:4).  Fathers need to teach their children the whole counsel of God (Ac 20:26-27).  Learning to be a good father will help us to understand our Heavenly Father better (Heb 12:5).

QUESTIONS FOR LESSON 4: 

BEING A GOOD HUSBAND AND FATHER

Answer these questions by making a suitable scripture application.  There will be more than one answer to each question and extra credit will be given for multiple responses.

1.           Two newspaper articles were provided for your study.  These articles talked about young men who made bad choices.  Using one of the two news stories, write your own evaluation of what went wrong and how parents (especially fathers) could have avoided such tragedies.  This should be at least three paragraphs in length—preferably five.

2.           Why should a man leave his family to be married to a wife?

3.           What decisions regarding this role must be made before marriage?

4.           What are the man’s responsibilities to his wife in the marriage contract?

5.           What are the man’s roles in leading the family?

6.           What decisions might the man have to make in each a role?

7.           What are the man’s responsibilities in child bearing?

8.           What responsibilities does the man have regarding the church family?

9.           If these roles are not discussed before marriage, what assurance will a prospective bride have that her choice of a husband has been a good one?

10.       Tell me about your father (or husband) and what roles he held in the family and in the church.