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Behind Every Good Man is a Good Woman

By Sarah Leland

And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, (Hebrews 10:24)

We, as women, have such a knack for "stirring up" things! Many of us enjoy stirring up a delectable entree. But we also stir up emotions – either positive or negative. We can use our words to stir up hate through gossip, or we can stir up pessimism through our negativity. However, if we will focus our energy on the good – to stir up love and good works – then we may truly be beneficial all those we touch.

Is there a good woman behind every good man?

Can't there be good men who have not been helped by a good woman? The scriptures seem to answer with a strong "no."

If married, a man will be strongly impacted by his wife. "A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones." (Proverbs 12:4 KJV)  It is up to ME – I will make an impact on my husband, either to tear him down or build him up – I must decide which it will be. There are also certain God-given roles for men, which are dependent upon me being the wife I ought to be. This includes elders and deacons -- "A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, … given to hospitality,…. Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well." (1 Timothy 3:2a, 12 KJV)  Likewise, a good man will need a good wife to take on the role of father -- "And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." (Deuteronomy 6:6-7 KJV)  The mother must take a big part in this continual teaching of her children under her husband's leadership. A husband can only fill the vital roles of elder, deacon and father with a good wife behind him.

Whether married or not, a good man will be impacted by good women. A good man may be influenced by a mother, an aunt, a grandmother or a Godly Christian woman. There are many Godly women who encourage men working in the service of God by inviting them into their home for meals, helping monetarily as they are able and giving constant encouragement. Their work often is done without any public recognition.  Many may be influenced by a good man without knowing that he was impacted deeply by the kindness of a Godly Christian woman, whom they may never meet. These women play an essential role in God's Kingdom, and this is something that can involve all Christian women… whether married or not!

What can I do to be a good woman behind my man?

All of us WANT our husband to be a good one. How, then, can I be a good woman behind my husband? A sweet, elderly widow in the congregation here said that the role of helpmeet is not the same in every relationship. What helps my husband might not help yours. I must know my husband and help him, as it is best for him. This seemed profound to me, but it is true. However, there are some general things that all wives can do for their husbands.

A good woman will SUBMIT. "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord." (Ephesians. 5:22 KJV) One teacher I heard recently said that wives would make a bigger impact by submitting than by pushing. If I truly want my husband to be good and to be the leader, then I have to show that I will submit to him, not just when I want to, but also every time that it does not conflict with God's teachings. If I work diligently to be better, submission will come more naturally, and my relationship with my husband will be able to reach its potential.

A good woman will be TRUSTWORTHY. "The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil." (Proverbs 31:11 KJV) My husband should be able to trust me with all of the "little" things in life as well as his most prized possessions … his integrity, our marriage commitment and our children.

A good woman will DO GOOD. "She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life." (Proverbs 31:12 KJV) This seems like something obvious, but it is something that is easily forgotten when we allow ourselves to be too comfortable in our relationship. I should seek to do good for my husband everyday. If I allow myself to seek his good first with an attitude of love and humility, it will be rewarding to know that I am doing my best to lift up the man who is my husband.

Behind every good man is a good woman. May we all study, pray and strive to be more like the Christian woman God would have us to be every day. Of all of the things that someone may say about us when we die … an accurate statement of "she was a good woman" will trump over any other accomplishments or qualities.

Discussion Questions:

1. Use an online or Computer Bible program to look up the phrase "stir up" (use quotation marks around it to only get passages, which have those two words used together). Make a list of the five passages from which you think we may learn the most. What is the person being "stirred up" to do? How does this affect themselves and others? What application can I make to my own life from these passages?

2. Name someone who was not married, as far as we know, but was strongly impacted by Godly women in his family. (2 Timothy 1:5) _________________.  How important is it for me to share my faith with my children?

3. There are many named and unnamed women who played an important role in helping Godly men in the Bible, such as Paul and Jesus. Write down some of their names from these or other passages that tells what they did to help Godly men in their service to God.

Romans 16:1-6, 13; Matthew 27:55-56; Acts 16:39-40; Philippians 4:3; 2 Kings 4:8-11

4. If I am married to a man who is not a good man, I must remember that my job is to be a good woman. Read 1 Peter 3:1-2 -- "Likewise, ye wives, be in _____ ________ _______ ________ ________; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the _________ of the wives; While they behold your ________ conversation coupled with fear." (KJV)

Can I FORCE my husband to be who he should be?

How can I encourage my husband if he is not godly?

5. Read Proverbs 31:10-31. The virtuous woman is the ideal example of a good woman. List the qualities which she possesses.

6. Choose one or two qualities of the virtuous woman that you would like to improve on in your own life.  In thinking about the qualities you chose, write down some practical ways by which you might become more like the virtuous woman.

7. Discuss some things that a good wife will NOT do if she is trustworthy.

8. Discuss what a good wife WILL DO if she is trustworthy.

9. Proverbs 31:12 says, "She will do him ______ and not evil _____ ______ ______ of her life." (KJV) As discussed in the devotional, my husband may need something different from your husband. This means I will need to be sensitive in adjusting to the specific needs of my husband. What are some practical things, either simple or difficult, which I can do to do good for my husband?

10. Take a moment to think about the end of life. What do you want to have accomplished? Why? How does the way you are living life now line up with what you want to see when you look back at the end?